Dunning ∿‌‌ Kruger FX

Effect Pedals and Guitars, etc.

Germanium Switch (rare)

Details

There are few metalloids as renowned in pedal building as germanium. While in some ways it is merely an element, it is also a primary source of literal magic when used in shaping guitar tone.

The scientific journal Wikipedia goes on at length about how in 1869, Dmitri Mendeleev prophesied the existence of such a substance, and foresaw that it would have such properties as an atomic mass of 72.6, a density of 5.5 g/cm3, and an oxide activity of “feebly basic.” In 1886, Clemens Winkler confirmed both its existence and the accuracy Mendeleev’s predictions when he isolated germanium in a sample of the mineral argyrodite, declaring, “I haven’t seen anything this feebly basic since I ran into Julie last Sunday at brunch, amirite?”

But tone starts where science trails off, and there is no mathematical formula that can explain why germanium sounds fantastic in guitar pedals and all other materials sound like partially defective whoopee cushions. While many are aware of germanium’s use in transistors and diodes, which are in the so-called “signal path,” it has been criminally underutilized in switches. Sure, any old switch will be able to “open” or “close” a circuit, but nothing can match the warmth, texture, or harmonic content of pure germanium.

This switch utilizes NOS Soviet germanium, sourced from components of the space station Mir that survived reentry*. The scarcity of these materials alone makes this among the most musical and responsive switches known. Try it with your tone knob rolled down 2% and let the lush switching envelop you.

Vital Stats

Both “on” and “off” States
Actual Magic
Karate Skills
Character
Sympathy

* Avoid prolonged contact with the Germanium Switch. Do not use the Germanium Switch if you are pregnant or may become pregnant. Do not look directly into the internal components of the Germanium switch. Do not use the Germanium Switch within audible range of a microwave oven. Operating heavy machinery while under the influence of the Germanium Switch may result in blindness in one or both eyes and/or unnatural hair growth on the palms of the hands. Do not taunt the Germanium Switch. Talk to a Certified Tone Guru™ before using the Germanium Switch in conjunction with untrue-bypass pedals. The Germanium Switch is incompatible with bass guitar.